Your emotions affect everything you do, including the way you interact with your coworkers and how you make decisions on the job. But many employees, team leaders, and even supervisors never take their emotions into account when doing their jobs. Here is how to be honest with yourself about emotions at work, and why emotional intelligence is so important to making successful professional choices.
Everyone Experiences Emotions at Work
You may have been told that you should avoid being emotional at work. Maybe you are worried about what will happen if you break down, get angry, or cry. Emotional vulnerability can be hard, especially if your workplace isn’t built on trust. But it is important to remember that everyone experiences emotions at work. Whether it is happiness at a job well done, frustration due to a lack of support, or resentment over being passed over for a promotion, emotions are real. Ignoring, suppressing, or “controlling” your emotions will only result in their causes not being addressed. That in turn can hurt your relationship with your coworkers, your professional performance, and even your career advancement.
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How to Be Honest With Yourself About Your Emotions
Emotions are not a bad thing, even the negative ones. They are signals that your brain is somehow uncomfortable with the current situation. To address that discomfort you first need to take the time and attention to be honest with yourself about what emotions you are feeling and why.
Be Aware of What You Are Feeling
If you want to become more honest with yourself about the emotions you are feeling at work (or in any part of your life), you need to start by identifying them. All too often, workers can go through their entire day troubled by a negative emotion without ever taking the time to notice how they are feeling in those circumstances. Ask yourself:
- Did you smile at work today?
- How was your stress level?
- Did something make you laugh?
- Were you frustrated by something that happened?
- Were you angry or upset?
Take time to reflect on how you are feeling throughout the day. You may even want to keep a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings. Looking back at this can help you identify patterns that may point to a cause.
Avoid Judgment About Your Emotional Responses
The goal isn’t to shame yourself into stoicism or blame your emotions for your hard time at work. Instead, you should be mindful about your emotional responses to workplace events without judgment. Be present and acknowledge your emotional state, but try to distance yourself from thoughts about how you should be feeling. That kind of judgmental response will only make it harder to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Remember that experiencing an emotional response means your brain is trying to prepare you for what it thinks will happen next. It is based on your interpretation of the situation, not the objective reality of that situation. That means that outside influences and internal assumptions may affect the way your brain is receiving that information in ways you can’t always predict or avoid.
Consider How Your Emotions are Affecting Your Workplace Behavior
Once you have identified that you are experiencing emotions, consider how those emotions have affected your behavior at work.
- Are you excited for a new project and working more because of it?
- Is your enthusiasm causing you to interact with your coworkers more?
- Is fear or anxiety limiting your willingness to take risks?
- Are you defensive in the face of criticism?
- Is stress making it hard to focus or causing you to procrastinate?
- Are you prone to arguments because you are frustrated or angry?
- Do you resent a coworker and avoid working with them because of it?
Negative emotions in particular can have a substantial effect on your productivity, collaboration, and engagement with your work. At the same time, positive emotions can improve your focus and creativity, making it easier to do new and different things.
Managing Emotions in the Workplace
No one can entirely control their emotions, but you can take steps to manage them and control your behavioral responses to them.
Recognize When Emotions Surface
Managing your emotions starts with acknowledging them when they happen. When you begin to experience a negative emotion, don’t react immediately. Take a moment. If possible, step away from the situation and allow yourself a moment to breathe and reflect on how you are feeling. Try to label your emotions as specifically as you can without judgment. Remember that emotions are a signal, so understand what your brain is telling you before responding.
Discover the Cause of Emotions in the Workplace
Once you know what you are feeling, dig deeper to identify why your brain is sending you those signals. Remember that there may be multiple causes for an emotional response, and some may not have anything to do with your work. Outside influences like a lack of sleep or family stress can make you more vulnerable to negative emotions at work. Try to identify both the immediate trigger of the emotion and the underlying causes for the feelings.
Prepare Your Response
Consider other times that you have experienced similar emotions, at work or at home, or in the past. How did you react to them then? Did that work well for you, or create more problems? You may be repeating the same thoughts or behaviors, without even realizing the pattern. Take the time to prepare a response that addresses the emotion you are feeling in a constructive way, rather than waiting until you have an uncontrolled negative reaction.
Manage the Situation to Resolve the Discomfort
Finally, take action to resolve the cause of the negative emotion. This could take many different forms depending on the cause and triggers involved. Choose a response that is in proportion to the importance of the issue and which directly addresses the cause of the feelings. You may need to ask for help from a coworker, seek executive coaching, take a break from an activity, or even engage in formal conflict resolution processes available through your employer.
Being honest with yourself about emotions at work can lead to a more positive working experience, with less conflict, more productivity, and improved outcomes for yourself and your team. By taking the time to identify your emotions and their causes, and respond appropriately, you can reduce discomfort and avoid more negative patterns of behaviors that could stand between you and your career success.
David Stanislaw is a leadership and executive coach with over 30 years’ experience helping employees and leaders understand their emotions and manage their behaviors, including through facilitated conflict resolution. Contact us to meet with David and bring on a thought partner for your business goals today.
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