A lack of trust is of the underlying causes of lingering conflict and resentment at work. As relationships at work get deeper and more intimate, there is an increased chance of disruptive interpersonal conflict at work. It may seem counter-intuitive, but developing a habit of revealing oneself at work can improve your coworker relations by increasing trust and collaboration.
This is the third in a four-part blog series on conflict resolution in business and what to do about it. In Conflict Resolution in Business Isn’t What You Think, we addressed common misconceptions about conflict resolution in business. In The Acceptance of Conflict in Business, we considered the upside of conflict in the workplace as a catalyst for improvement. The final post will describe the secret sauce of conflict resolution at work.
Does Relational Intimacy Have a Place in Business?
Most people assume that intimacy has no place at work. But this is based on the common habit of using the term “intimacy” as a euphemism for sexual and romantic relations. While there are good reasons for employers to have policies against romantic behaviors between coworkers – among them the risk of unwanted sexual harassment – relational intimacy is different.
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Intimacy in business is about knowing your coworkers and being comfortable around them. This form of relational intimacy is essential to developing trust among your team members. If your coworkers don’t trust one another, they will approach any challenges at work from a defensive mindset. Defensiveness and other symptoms of a lack of trust can develop into resentment and unhealthy conflict and a toxic workplace environment.
Developing a “Vulnerability-Based Trust” at Work
Organizational leader, Patrick Lencioni, described this kind of relational intimacy at work as “vulnerability-based trust.” It depends on a corporate emphasis on emotional honesty at work. Lencioni calls this being ‘emotionally naked” with your team members. It prioritizes authenticity, transparency, and collaboration. Professional vulnerable trust means:
- Admitting your mistakes
- Saying that you don’t know the answer or need additional training
- Expressing your feelings and accepting support
Vulnerability-based trust is often developed from the top down. Business owners and corporate leaders can establish policies and working environments that create safe spaces for employees to express their feelings and resolve disputes. But even if you are not a manager or supervisor, you can still take steps to develop a vulnerability-based trust with your coworkers, especially when conflict arises.
Intimacy and Conflict Resolution
As was addressed in the last post, when there is respect and tolerance between coworkers, conflict can be healthy and productive. It can help coworkers stress-test their ideas and lead to improved collaboration and stronger workplace relationships.
However, conflict becomes unhealthy when it attacks others. When unhealthy conflict persists within an organization it grows into part of the workplace culture. To avoid this, business owners and workers alike need to bring that conflict to a healthy outcome through facilitated dispute resolution.
Unhealthy interpersonal conflict begins with accusations. Each person involved in the conflict will likely have their own list of grievances and perceived slights against the others involved. With the help of a conflict resolution facilitator, team members can move from conflict to collaboration.
Revealing Oneself Through One-on-One Facilitation
The facilitator will begin the conflict resolution process by listening. In one-on-one meetings, the facilitator will invite each participant to air their grievances and express their feelings about the issue in dispute. This creates a safe environment where the facilitator will accept what they are saying, what they are feeling, and essentially who they are. This allows the facilitator to refocus the discussion beyond the surface of the dispute to identify what is behind it. The facilitator sits in conflict with them and gets to know each person involved in the conflict deeply, and assist them in revealing themselves and expressing the basis behind the conflict.
Bringing Coworkers Together in Trust and Safety
Once the facilitator has developed a rapport with each coworker, he can use that trust to create a safe environment for the team members in conflict to come together and reveal themselves to one another. The trust developed in the one-on-one meetings between each team member and the facilitator will seep into the joint meeting, allowing everyone to work through their conflict. The facilitator will begin by encouraging the coworkers to talk about safe things to develop a similar rapport. Then, as everyone involved becomes more comfortable and trusting, they can move toward the areas of conflict.
Conflict Resolution Depends on Trust
Since conflict resolution defends on revealing oneself to ones’ coworkers, it only works if both team members are motivated to resolving the conflict and moving toward a healthy relational dynamic. In truth, each person involved in the conflict resolution process must be quite motivated in resolving the dispute. If any one person gives up on the process, they will drop out and consensus will become impossible. However, when brought to a successful end, the conflict resolution process can help the business become more productive and develop a workplace culture that respects the people who work there.
David Stanislaw is leadership and executive coach with over 30 years’ experience helping managers and leaders manage teams effectively and resolve workplace conflict. Contact us to meet with David and bring on a thought partner for your business goals today.
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